Romance’s not mine

I decided to take path to the market, alone. I was profoundly bothered of being alone inside my room, silence could’ve killed me. Along the ride I think of many things. I think of my projects, assignments, service, my parents, my friends, my songs, the messages and memories within seconds. I think of him. A “He” I don’t really know, someone I just don’t mind to meet as my studies goes. He’s in my dream but still I couldn’t recognize him. I know so much about his life however I have to admit- I created them. After I fetched my senses back to life, I demanded the driver of the vehicle to stop to where I pointed- I wasn’t in the mood to talk. Hurriedly we drove in, I saw a sort of a friend. Then the word “Hi!” just come out like I wasn’t expected to vomit in a travel and not noticing my hands eagerly waving towards him. I never saw his response. The motor stopped and I dropped quickly, I was already on my way to him.  I was shy but I hid it perfectly with my smile, then away I just asked him. “You must treat me something today!” I joyfully requested. Since the day we met in youth gatherings he always asks me to treat him, but I did the reciprocal move. Whenever he asks I did the same thing. Just as timing so ideal I asked him in delight then I never expected he would grant it.

For the first time, we talked so much about school as we are on our way to the restaurant. There so much to topic about and I never notice that he’s already got us a good spot to settle. After we ordered, we ate. The laughter was bursting and there is so much reminders running through and fro in my head. I never minded them and the talk goes on. I was feeling easy then, I was happy and filled. Filled not just on the food but with hopes, hope not beyond of what others may think but a hope that someday my “He” would be like him. He shares a lot of what has happened in his day, he imparted his insights and frankly tells me that I’m an optimistic one. The moment fed me so much that he is forced to have the walk way back to home. I waited him to go off before I buy my things in the marketplace. However, when I was enjoying the feeling of gratefulness of having good time with him but suddenly a scene strikes a chord in the air. I remember he said, “I have someone whom I really admire, I wanted to talk with her but I can’t I’ll just wait for her maybe in the right time with a right me”. All time I was setting my highest hopes but it doesn’t make sense anymore.

I halted- I diverted my attention to my intentions of going to that place. I bought some rice grains, ordered some eggs and drove off the highway. I wasn’t thinking of anything this time my way home. I was emptied by the fact that I’m very desperate when it comes on anticipating that I could have a good relationship. I never doubted myself that I would really have that good guy someday in between but here I am meeting guys so good to be true but so bad of me I couldn’t ever have one of them. Dreams were just glazed to taste them so sweet causing me to exercise an assumption. I was forced to see that something’s going good within the bounds of the accompaniment, if assuming is a crime I would already be in jail. I’m behind those cold bars of hopelessness. I feign every friendly response though deep inside it means so much to me even how nonsense they were. How could I be so outstanding actress, I’m on the red carpet to Oscars for sure seeing myself talking like a jerk to my beautiful nightmare. It drags me down but I have to control myself and let the flow circulate like a blood. Just the hardest part is I am trying to make myself believe that the guy is not up to something with me, he just likes a talk. I was screaming inside because gladly I could consider having a better time with someone I’d love to. Now, what? We’ve just talk about the girl she’s up to and that sliced my nerves! Sometimes it’s better off your own shoe making drama than sticking around to those things that might only bring you down. I mean I just have to keep it a secret between me and myself.

Things might have taught us that Love must never come from any of these situations but must sprout out in the right time with the right place and with the right better person as anyone would expect you to deserve. Perhaps it must mean not to work out with me this time. It was meant an agony to be felt not meant to torment it myself. Hopeless little feelings might pinch a swelling hurt but I believed it always heals in the due process of time. It will lead you to being learned enough to let things unfolds your love story. I realized that not getting what you so much desire is a step closer in reaching thing you deserve. It keeps you away from a devastated damage where healing it might need more than time. I know this doesn't make any of your concern but we all get through the same plot. By all this time, I am affirmed that a puppy love doesn't exist, because Love has never been an animal but a saving gift. It was always that kind of love that everyone at in diverse ages feels, it was just way too wrong to feel and manipulate it in a rush. Someone has got to wait for healthier fits of things. Yes, I maybe have bunch of boyfriends, I could talk and have a date alike but I’m telling you the romance’s not mine, it’s for the other girls who’s their planning to complete their future in time.