Human is privileged to beg for
love. We are capable of demanding it from other person. It has to be fair as we
all thought of loving someone, it’s like a pact. “I will love you, please love
me too.” We all wanted it to work that way because for us, it’s a torture-
loving without you receiving some of it.
This means a world of our
expectations, from the biggest to the slightest thing we could ask out from our
fantasies that we want to make happen.
I have many friends, “boy”
friends that usually and honestly consumes most of my time. I fully know I have so much work to do but
when the clock hits at 10 pm I decided to talk to them.
I heard more than stories not
just of love but of life itself. I felt how hard love was it for those guys to
bare. Craving for chances that only the future could tell if it’ll be worth. But
as usual, they are hard to understand. There’s so many sides even I can’t
comprehend even if I tried. They’ll say they wanted to move on, to forget, but
you will see them begging for second chances. You will see them lurking to the
ones they wanted to move off. You will hear them go over past they’re memories
time to time a certain thing reminds them like food, place, favorites and etc. They’ll
say they wanted to be free but it just means they wanted their girl to be free
again from the new man who replaced them. They’ll say they’re happy but it
means they would be happy if she comes back. They’ll say they wait but it means
they badly needed an answer now.
I could never understand them.
But I never understood myself more. Of why I keep on listening to their million
time repeated stories and flashbacks. I never care if it began to hurt me and I
could never understand myself so much. It scratches my heart and it aches when
I saw them whole and happy in their past. Of how they find me at their darkest
and broken hours and stopped to text me when they regain their previous
relationship. Of how I was able to love someone who make me feel of love but
has no deep meaning at all. And of how I wake up and face the new morning
blessed and broken, no one has ever noticed even to those who demands of my
time and ears, shoulders and tears.
I guess that’s how I worked with
love. I wonder how I am able to sustain myself in my own knees when my heart
breaks, of how I can still stand after a great fall and of how I was able to
care again to some persons who insulted and never had done good for me. Despite
of everything, I am glad I’ve helped them. It’s a great relief seeing them well
in the side of others. At least I’ve done my part. I’d never had a relationship
but I think this is my love life and that is to love life. A life that scoped a
hard path, makes you endure and feel a profound victory in the end, a privilege
other will never felt.
